If you read my current About page, then you would think that I had this massive epiphany at the Harvard conference and I discovered the purpose of life. But that’s not completely true. There was a day in 2014 that I decided to change my life direction and seek out the purpose of life.
Now, before we move on, here’s an audio version of this blog post, if you’d prefer to listen to this post rather than read it.
PURPOSE OF LIFE – LIFE IN THE MIRROR
I was walking past my mirror on the wall but then something made me stop, turn around and go back. It took me several minutes to focus on what I was looking at and I realized it was ME. I stood rooted to the spot. I looked so old. I looked lifeless. I didn’t see a spark of anything, my brown eyes were dull and my lips were dry. My afro was thin, stringy and looked horrible.
I have no idea how long I looked in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself. I stood perfectly still truly looking at myself for the first time in months. I stood in front of the mirror tracing the contours of my face with my right hand.
I was shocked. I had rough skin. I had huge bags under my eyes. My forehead lines were so deep and dark.
PURPOSE OF LIFE – WAKING UP
As I looked at myself, I started waking up. My brain was slowly switching on, I felt I was asleep for a long time.
I looked in the mirror turned sideways and flexed my arms and legs. I looked down at my hands and noticed my fingernails were jagged and needed to be trimmed; my feet and ankles were swollen; even my clothing was old and faded. When was the last time I purchased something new?
That night I could not focus on anything but what I looked like. I kept going back to the mirror and each time another part of my brain switched on.
Where was my youth? Where was my spirit? Where was Iveoma? I was only 26 years old and I looked 20 years older.
The following day, I woke with a different perspective. I lay looking at the ceiling going over the events of the previous year, trying to pinpoint when I changed. I realized it was not a moment but a series of decisions that I made that started when I moved away from my talents. I isolated myself working on my law firm. I stopped going out and meeting people. I even stopped calling friends. I stopped reading and writing. I stopped doing what I loved, activities that energized me.
PURPOSE OF LIFE – REINVENTION
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5
I became very low energy and during that year I was losing energy like something was draining me. I also became very angry and every little thing would set me off. Frankly, I was flat out depressed in 2013-2014, the most difficulty year and a half I have experienced to date. I applied to 350 jobs and received 1 job interview. My car broke down so I didn’t have a car in Houston for almost 6 months. I had no extra money although I was working multiple odd jobs at night and weekends and working my law firm during the day.
Since my depression is the absence of motion, I decided to get moving and change into the woman I was supposed to become. This shift in mindset started the day I really looked into the mirror.
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